Proper way to call someone a Bastard

From: Razz (RAZZMAN)17 Jan 2016 12:25
To: ALL1 of 1
Sent to me from Lewport...

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer
approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually
played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're
about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first
guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting
his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and
liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The
Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation...... And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll marry them.