Pandemic jokes

From: Razz (RAZZMAN)23 May 2020 10:57
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 1 of 53

          2019: You see a man in a store wearing a mask and think you are in danger.

2020: you see a man in a store not wearing a mask in a store and think you are in danger.

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school. He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.

After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my home but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.

If you thought toilet paper was crazy ... just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.

2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.

This cleaning with alcohol is total BS. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.

My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day, but look at me now! I’m saving the world!

Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.

Is your car getting 3 weeks per gallon now? Mine is.

It’s like being 16 again, gas is cheap and I’m grounded.

Low gas prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush.

In a month, 88% of blondes will disappear from the earth.

“All those grandparents who are missing their grandkids now—once this over you can have them for a month.

The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors.

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is

And just like that, our pastor became a televangelist.

Can we uninstall 2020? This version has a virus.

Mom, is that offer to slap me into next year still on the table?”

Powerball is up to a 48 pack of Charmin.

Let’s not tell some people when the quarantine is over.

I’ve been trying to make hand sanitizer but it keeps coming out rum and Coke.  

From: Carl (SPARTACUS)24 May 2020 10:06
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 2 of 53
Very good. Lol
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)25 May 2020 09:32
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 3 of 53
Here's some more....

Corona Beer

Corona Beer Virus

Staying Safe

Honey I'm Home
Cavity Search Airports
Safe Sexting

Travel Influencers

Travel Influencer Glamour Shots

Never Travel With Tom Hanks – the 2020 Version

And update on Tom Hanks being the worst travel buddy ever…

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson diagnosed with Coronavirus
From: Carl (SPARTACUS)25 May 2020 16:41
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 4 of 53
Very good. Looks like summer is here this week.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)26 May 2020 08:38
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 5 of 53
I have to rush and get all my summer things set up. Installed 2 of my AC units, now have to put in a window unit. Got my summer clothes down from upstairs the other day.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS)26 May 2020 15:44
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 6 of 53
Great news. Keep your snow shoes handy too.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)26 May 2020 17:33
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 7 of 53
I got my oximeter today. It took around 6 weeks to get here.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS)27 May 2020 10:15
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 8 of 53
Jewel. When I get checked my Oxygen levels are around 98%.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)27 May 2020 11:50
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 9 of 53
Yesterday, when I first tried it, my O2 levels were around 90. Then I read online that the best finger to use is the middle finger, believe it or not. Since then, my levels fall within the safe range, around 95%. And that's with my asthma. I didn't take my Advair last night and wanted to see how my O2 level was and it was at 95 too.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS)28 May 2020 10:26
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 10 of 53
That sounds good. Have you had your kids or wife try it for comparative purposes?
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)28 May 2020 10:49
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 11 of 53
My older son who likes to hike and climb mountains, will take it with him when he goes to those higher altitudes.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS)29 May 2020 10:06
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 12 of 53
Do you think your oxygen level will increase as the weather gets warmer?
From: Razz (RAZZMAN)29 May 2020 12:22
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 13 of 53
The past few times I've checked, my O2 level has been around 95 or 96, so that's in a good range.

BTW- I had to have updates on this company laptop, now my settings are all wrong on here. Can't see my signature and there's only one screen. I also had to reset all my favorites in Firefox.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS) 1 Jun 2020 12:20
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 14 of 53
Good news. Keep an eye on those levels.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN) 1 Jun 2020 19:43
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 15 of 53
This morning it was actually up to 98 and my heart rate was 68. Some more good news is that my Cologuard test came up negative. I never had that Colonoscopy, which I hear it terrible in the prep the night before. This was much easier.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS) 2 Jun 2020 16:39
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 16 of 53
The prep is easier now. Good news on your O2 level.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN) 2 Jun 2020 17:58
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 17 of 53
I still think that the Cologuard is much easier. I think using my middle finger in that Oximeter is the way to go.
From: Carl (SPARTACUS) 3 Jun 2020 16:23
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 18 of 53
Try another err appendage. Let me know if that works.
From: Razz (RAZZMAN) 4 Jun 2020 16:40
To: Carl (SPARTACUS) 19 of 53
Two readings this morning as I didn't use my Advair last night. It was 92 after eating breakfast, then 94 and 95 later on. I may try the index and then the middle finger and see if I get different readings.

I also read that you could use your toe. LOL
From: Carl (SPARTACUS) 5 Jun 2020 12:49
To: Razz (RAZZMAN) 20 of 53
I was not referring to that appendage. Lol